I like to think that I am good at endings, but my beginnings often need work. Here are some first paragraphs from my FanFiction stories that are currently unfinished. I'm thinking that if I can improve the beginning, I may be inspired to finish the work.
Hooded in Red
There was a crime wave in the city of London. Robberies, car thefts, even murders were on the rise. It seemed as if all Hell had broken loose since Sherlock Holmes had died. Most people didn't connect the two, but DI Lestrade did. His unsolved case files were almost as large now as his solved ones. Lestrade could honestly say that he missed Sherlock. He knew that he wasn't a fake, even though he saw the articles and the pictures in the paper calling him a trickster, a magician, a Svengali, and accusing him of fooling people, even Scotland Yard, into believing that he could solve crimes.https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9494613/1/Hooded-in-RedHuh, sounds a bit unfocused.
Needs to be snappier, tighter. Perhaps with a bit of a film noir feel.
It's a detective work based on a fairy tale (little red riding hood) so it either needs more dark, or more myth.
Mycroft - Cypher
I: 15 June, 2012
Her majesty's location Nottingham, the diamond jubilee, State of Emergency declared in Burma, More requests from the Greek government. Heavy rains predicted. Bring Umbrella.
II: His forced confession had done its job. Mycroft Holmes had received the one thing that the government had always been loathe to give him. Time off. He used that time to make arrangements for Sherlock to leave the country. He had been involved in some delicate negotiations. It wasn't a good time to be distracted from his work, but then again, his little brother always had been a distraction.
This time, however, his interests and Mycroft's were aligned. Moriarty had been a thorn his side time and time again. A chaotic element in the shifts of power that kept the world running smoothly. Who would guess that James Moriarty would have become infatuated with his little brother? Who would have guessed that Sherlock Holmes would allow himself to die to the world, would allow the media to call him an idiot, just to destroy this criminal's network? It was surprising. But then, Sherlock had always been surprising ever since he was a child, back when his greatest ambition was to be a pirate. Although Mycroft would never admit it, Sherlock made his life bearable, because he always had a way of doing the unexpected.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9993229/1/Mycroft-CypherNice. Has some good points. Starts a bit slow on II. I could probably tighten it up a bit. Cut it down smaller. On the other hand, my chapters are short enough as it is. Hmm. Must think about it.
Silent Night, Deadly night
Sherlock crawled across the tiles. He traced the footprint on the floor with the tip of his finger and then looked up at the aisle. It had been cleared of people, but their remains were still there, their muddy prints, the scuff marks left behind from their frightened exit. Those crowded steps made as they rushed from the room remained, obscuring the path of the one woman that he sought to find. The woman who he had lived in the same flat with for the better part of a month. The woman who was married to his best friend.
This line of investigation was unlikely to yield a useful result, so he rose to his feet and turned to the policeman at his side. Lestrade was on the phone arguing furiously with someone apparently about the decision of the yard to close down one of London's busiest department stores on Christmas eve.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10596829/1/Silent-Night-Deadly-night
This is the story that wouldn't die. My first story on FFnet was Moving. It was one of the first that I moved to AO3. It spawned two separate sets of sequels with the same name. I was never happy with the ending so I keep rewriting it in the hopes that it will finally work. This is the last chapter, set at Christmas time, so this is a perfect time to end a story series that I began in July of 2012
I like how it starts with action. It gets you wondering what is happening, and the thing about having lived with the woman and her being married to his best friend is even more curious if you haven't followed the previous series. I just recently got a request to finish this work, so I should probably get a move on.
The Black Scorpion
The dark-haired Lieutenant Lestrade stood at attention as the red coated official took the stage to address the crowd. He lifted his parchment and read.
"In the name of the king, an armada of ships will carry a payment of ten thousand gold coins to the King of France as a sign of our continued friendship. In return, the French crown has stated that they will aid us in patrolling our coastal waters. With the combined navies of France and England patrolling the channel, piracy will be a thing of the past, and our waters will once more be at peace."
"Peace? poppycock!" a man in the crowd muttered. "You know that money they are sending to buy off the French king will return to us before long as cannon balls." A number of heads around him nodded. They all stepped back making way as the men marched off of the stage. The man who spoke of cannons bumping into a dirty beggar who was standing behind him.
"Spare a penny, Guv?" said the stooped figure in a dirty brown coat and tattered grey hat that looked like it had been fished from the jaws of several fighting cats. The man walked past without another glance, and the beggar shuffled away stopping for a moment to look up at a poster stuck to a lamp post. It had the picture of a thin man in a long coat with a three cornered hat and a curled black mustache with the words REWARD for SHERLOCK, The Pirate. Captain of the Black Scorpion. DEAD OR ALIVE emblazoned on the base. If one looked closely, one might have imagined that the beggar smiled.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10712939/1/The-Black-ScorpionThis is my pirate AU because "Why not?"
I left them freezing to death in a cold ocean. Not quite the happy go lucky ending that the story sets out to show.
Cute opening. You can guess who the beggar is can't you. I'm saving this for days when I need something really light.
University Days
Sherlock was finally beginning to settle in at Cambridge. He had been so excited to come, almost ecstatic. Mycroft had remarked on it as they sat down to dinner four months before. He'd said that Sherlock was 'as eager as an English Setter'. He had replied by calling Mycroft fat, but it was true. He had been eager, because he had heard that University was a new start, a place where he would be valued for his intellect. He had moved onto campus with a glee that made him almost appear to be a happy person, and not the morose teen that he had been all those years in Private School.
But in this, as in most things, life had not lived up to his expectations. Sebastian had followed him up from Harrow. He had always been a popular bastard, arrogant, and envious of other's talents. He ended up living in the same house and with his slick smile and thinly concealed hostility for Sherlock, he made sure that all of the old nicknames followed him there.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10847721/1/University-DaysThis is my current obsession. A Sherlock Holmes prequel. I am struggling with how explicit to make it. The way I write, I mean for it to be a bit embarrassing. I find that the more explicit the work is, the more embarrassing it is when things go wrong.
It's a good start. Gets you into Sherlock's emotions quickly. Not sure about the English Setter line, then again, Sherlock wouldn't be an Irish wolfhound or a poodle so....
Anyway. These are my beginning. Comments welcomed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
